Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
