Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
