And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
