Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
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Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
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he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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