but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
