But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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