I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
