You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
