grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
