This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
