I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
