Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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