I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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