After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
