If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
