I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
