We won't sleep together?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
