sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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