im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I party with great urgency now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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