Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
