My room smells like vodka and shame
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
