So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
