I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
