If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Someone signed my nipple.
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