It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize