I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
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We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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