I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
