Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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