We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
