I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
