White coat. Heels.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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