Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
