I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
