how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
