He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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