y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
