# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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