She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
