girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
