the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
