we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
