i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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