Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
