Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
