I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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