6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
