i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
