I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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