I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
