sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
