You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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