so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
