I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
