Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
two words...techno handjob
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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