we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
