He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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