why didn't you poke me back
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
