Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
its not stalking. its research.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
