Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
