this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
