PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
