I want to have your abortion
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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