I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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